Lilith Smiles in the Garden of Eden

So Lilith said to the Serpent: “Get thee behind me, Satan, I want a proper look at Number Two.”  And the Serpent moved pretty quickly.

            “Hi,” said Lilith.  “I’m Lilith.”

            “Hi,” said Eve.  She was combing her long hair. It was pale and wavy, prone to frizz in the rain. But she was proud of it.

            “Nice breasts,” said Lilith.

            “Thanks.” Eve had the disposition of a cat sprawled in a square of sunlight.

            Lilith didn’t say anything for a minute.  She was contemplating this naked girl, the mother of the human race, and her ever-so-slightly smug expression.

            “Shame about the belly,” said Lilith.

            “The – what?”

            “Belly.”

            Eve looked down.  She had a rounded, peachy stomach.  Adam loved it, and used to wake her every morning by softly kissing her navel, though why she had one God only knows.

            “I don’t understand,” said Eve.

            “Ever thought of working out?” said Lilith.  “You can do crunches for that.  Or the one where you lie on your back and lower your legs really slowly.  It’s agony but it does the business.” Lilith smiled.

            Eve smiled back. Her pale blue eyes widened.  She lifted a finger, sensing a shift in the quality of the air.  It had chilled a fraction, for Lilith had just made the first bitchy comment in the history of the planet.  Just the tiniest in-breath of its peaceable languor had gone for good.

            “Now, now,” said the Serpent, over its neat coils. “There’s no need for that.”

            “Need?” Lilith’s smile spasmed away. “Need?  What did Adam need? We were perfectly happy as we were.”

            “But we are perfectly happy as we are,” said Eve.

            “Is that so?”

            Lilith saw the apple before the Serpent did. She reached up and plucked it from the tree.  It was all russets and earth reds, a cool natural sphere.  She stroked it. 

            “This is where I come in,” said the Serpent.

            “Only in the versions men wrote down,” said Lilith. “While the women were dying in childbirth and cleaning behind the fridge.”

            She offered it to Eve.  “Why don’t you see if Adam is hungry?”

            And so God created the Ex Wife, and he saw that she was bad.

(Picture courtesy of Georgia O'Reilly, 2004)