DO YOU THINK I'M SEXY?

I generally like to think I am well-prepared for questions that an audience might ask, due to many years spent thinking about making the right impression at august literary festivals such as Hay, Edinburgh etc. But I was completely wrong footed by a Bath Spa student who recently asked me who was the sexiest author I had ever met. I rather limply came up with Julian Barnes, who I have never actually met as such, but only been at the same lunch as. (This was at a Cosmopolitan magazine story prize in the early nineties, which I failed to win, though I was on the shortlist.  I rather admired his louche and austere smoking style.)

So ARE authors sexy? Frankly, I am quite happy to leave this off the job description, and it's definitely not a core requirement. If you put 'sexy author' into Google image, you get Paul Auster, Neil Gaiman, Zadie Smith and Penelope Cruz. Now, call me picky, but the only person who really qualifies in that list is the madly beautiful Zadie Smith. Auster and Gaiman are defined as 'sexy' because they look perfectly fine and are writers. Penelope Cruz is only in the list because she comes up under 'sexy' anything.

Of course, an author's perceived 'sexiness' also can also depend on what they write. Danger and macho-ness seem to do the trick (if you are Ernest Hemingway) or being edgy and naughty (if you are the young Martin Amis, though at the time he was assisted by looking a bit like Mick Jagger). Actually writing about sex isn't necessary. I have put a bit of shagging in my latest book, but not because I wanted to be sexy. I only take my characters' clothes off when it is absolutely necessary for the plot.